#83: Not Mine

If I were to be honest, poems are less like an invention, and more like a discovery. The words existed long before I ever did and they will live on long after I leave this world. And the concepts are forged from either human experience or a swell of madness in my mind. I can't quite grasp why certain ideas pop in to my head but when the inspiration is there, it is a chance to seize the creative opportunity. If the inspiration was born out of experience, I thank God for the experience, if it was born out of madness, I thank God for the inspiration.

Once the inspiration is there, it's stuck in my head until I put it to the pen. When it's a great poem, my bones are on fire. The words just rush in to my head and fit like puzzle pieces. Eventually though, the inspiration gives way to reality. A word comes along that expresses my point but does not fit the form. I could maybe come up with a lesser word, or try to rearrange the words to make it fit. Or I could just delete that line altogether. When it's a good line but it doesn't fit, it hurts to remove it. But that line may fit in to another poem someday.

Deleting a good line from a poem is difficult. Finishing  a poem though is the greatest struggle. When the ideas are coming together and the words are fitting, I have to ask myself, "is this the best way to say what I am trying to say?" I could keep asking myself this question over and over but eventually, the poem just needs to be finished. Once finished, I look at the completed work and hope it makes sense when others read it.

Ultimately, a poem is written for two reasons. For the writer to express something, and the reader to understand something in a new light. When I write a poem, it is not for me nor are the words inherently from me. It is in this sense that the poems I write are not mine at all.

As words flow 

I don’t really know 

Where they come from 

The heart will bend 

To paper and pen 

I don’t understand 

All that’s within 

Is more than a whim 

This goes beyond me 

Words from my head 

Of a complex stead 

Are not mine 

#82: Ambiguity Will Ruin Me

It's easy to tell those little lies. You know, the ones that save you the trouble of having to share how you're really doing. It's easier to say you're doing fine even though you're struggling through something. Eventually you'll convince yourself that you're being a good friend by not bringing up your burdens to a loved one. This is an egregious lie. Your good friends will always want to know how you're really doing

Over time, the lying becomes a habit and eventually you will be left hoping no one catches on to what you are struggling through. You begin to live the lies and find yourself constantly hiding a part of who you are. Sure it's not the best part of you, but your true friends want to know the true you and they won't judge you for your flaws. In fact, they'll help you push through your struggles.

So if you find yourself stuck and in hiding, let go of the lies you have been propping up and let your true self be revealed. You'll be surprised by how much love will come your way.

Liu Bolin: Camouflage Artist

I’ve constructed walls that don’t have doors,
To hide the things that the world abhors.
I’ve lost all sense of what makes me free,
I strived to live by ambiguity.

The walls I’ve constructed are made up of lies
In hopes that in some way I can get by.
Without anyone knowing the pain that I feel,
I’ve gone on to live by what is not real.

I hide within, secretly hoping to be found,
Meanwhile my pain just drags me down.
Further into the pit that my own negligence has created,
My friendships have been strained, the closest ones negated.

#81: Through Your Eyes

Have you ever been beaten down and wondered what in the world you are going to do? Have you ever lied on the ground in tears and just felt too weak to move? Have you ever failed so badly that you thought your life was over? Have you felt your stomach twist so much because of things you've done that you felt like damaged goods? Have you ever cried out to God asking how your life became such a mess? 

This poem was written as a response to God's promises in the midst of being at my lowest. With literally nothing to offer except my broken soul, I learned that that is enough. 

Upon reflecting on Isaiah 40, I learned that God is incomparable and that what he values is different from what I value. This world means nothing to Him and His people mean everything to Him.

Ikuo Anazawa's papercraft

I am lonely, and this worlds owns me

But I can’t fall into these ways anymore

I can only fall down onto the floor

In reverence

In awe

Through pain and folly

You call all of me

Let my shaken faith awaken

Let my heart so tender embrace your splendor

Pick me up, higher then the sky

Let me fly from way up above

So I can see the world through your eyes

#80: Schmee and Me

A tribute to the greatest comedy routine ever. The immortal Who's on first.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg

At half past a quarter till three

A man named Schmee came to me

And asked how I came to be

I shared my life vividly

And concluded by saying “this is me”

This term Schmee found troubling

He said “you’re not Schmee, I am me”

So I responded “you are you, and I am me.”

So Schmee looked at me confusedly, “If you are you, and I am me,

 Then what are we?”

“Well we are we, and I am me

But you’re not me, can’t you see?”
“Well I can clearly see that you’re not me,

Cause I am me” said Schmee.

“But you yourself you cannot see,

So how do you know that you are me?”

“I’m not you, I am me.

This is clear as one two three,

I don’t need eyes to clearly see,

That you are you and I am me.”

“So of the two,

There’s me and you,

Through and through

And it’s untrue that I am you,

And that itself, is a major clue.”

“Yes, I agree,

Therefore, I can only be me,

And it’s true that you are you,

But it makes no sense to me,

When you claim to be… me.” Said Schmee

“Well this is an interesting game,

For if someone were to call my name

Because something broke and I’m to blame,

And a witness happened to be

Near to me and he claimed that I to be guilty,

And said my name before I could flee

I would respond, ‘that is me.’”

“But don’t you see that you are wrong,

That phrase itself, it doesn’t belong

Because when you say ‘that is me’

It seems you’re saying ‘I am Schmee’.

Besides if you were the bloke

Who was there when something broke,

And someone thought you to be guilty,

And called your name for all to see,

Wouldn’t you say ‘that’s not me’

And flee?

“Well, if I were to be crafty,

 I would likely say ‘I am Schmee’

And then run off before others could see,

That I was not who I claimed to be.

 So the next time I’m having fun,

And I break something while on the run,

And the police ask for my ID,

 I will not say ‘I am me’

Instead I’ll say ‘I am Schmee’ then

I will attempt to flee,

And when they search and look to see,

Where I ran and now happen to be,

My hopes then is that I see you,

And the police will not know what to do,

Because you’ll be Schmee

And I’ll be me,

And when they ask for our IDs

Yours will make you look guilty,

And I will be filled with glee

And walk away scot free.

“I hope then that you’re amused,

Cause I am thoroughly confused.

For if you were to commit a crime,

And I were the one to do the time,

I would make sure to clear my name,

And prove that you were the one to blame.

I’m sure I could make a case

That when the cops eyed my face,

They were mistaken and it will be plain to see,

That you were you and I was me.

I guess then just to be safe,

I’ll take a picture of your face,

So when you commit your crime spree,

And there are photos of your flee,

And when you claim to be me,

I’ll show the photo’s emphatically,

And you’ll be doing one to three

And I’ll be the one that is free. 

#79: Our Nation Groans

The pain of our nation continues.

Our nation groans
It weeps and moans
For it is not as free
As this land should be

A plea for peace
For violence to cease
Our nation's been torn
Where freedom was born

Persecution of black
They are under attack
It is now very clear
That they live in fear

Looking around
I see officers down
Fear and a gun
Leaves us all undone

Black lives matter
Blue lives matter
But now they fight
For our nations plight

What will we do
With black and blue?
If we have to choose
Then we all lose

Can we address our guilt?
Can this land be rebuilt?
Our nation laments
As it seeks to find sense

#78; With Liberty and Justice for All?

Below is an excerpt from the Declaration of Independence. 

...We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government...

Although written on behalf of white colonial men and not society as a whole, this document has significant meaning today. The Declaration of Independence establishes what the United States is about. It is about freedom. But throughout U.S. history, freedom has been withheld more then it has been given. And that is our nations greatest fault. 

https://www.loc.gov/exhibits/declara/images/geow.jpg

For whom does freedom ring?

For the merciless Indian savages*? We killed you

For the ones chained in the fields? We branded you like cattle

For the "model minority**"? We never took you seriously

For the one's at the back of the bus? We are still holding you back

For the one's we hired to tend our gardens? We say you stole our jobs 

For the women in the work force? We gave you 79 cents on the dollar

For the refugees from war torn lands? We say you're terrorists

For the ones who came out of the closet? We consider you a disease

For the black man the police pulled over? We claim you're guilty by suspicion (so we shot you)

If freedom and equality is of value, then justice is a paramount requirement

If we see the injustice but stay silent, then how can freedom ring?

*Quote from the Declaration of Independence

**Many Asian American Cultures are considered the model minority

#77: Chained

In America, many of us get everything we need, and almost everything we want instantaneously. If you're reading this, that means you are fortunate enough to have an internet connection. Just over half of the world population currently has no access to the internet. Are you a car owner? Congratulations, you're better off then 91% of the world. But I still get impatient while stopped at a red light, and if my internet stops working, my blood boils. My entitlement spoils the blessings I've been given. The world tells us, MORE MORE MORE and NOW NOW NOW, but what do we really need?

http://www.recoveryoutfitters.org/the-entitlement-trap/

Woe to the injustice that has fallen upon this earth

That was born out of the time of mankind’s birth

Where foolhardy wisdom has shown us the way

To an indebtedness that we cannot repay

We are trapped in a land of continuous sorrow

Where darkness reigns and nothing is hallowed

The emptiness of regret and the sting of fear

Blind us from seeing the blessings that the Lord has brought near

As rain falls from the sky gently to the ground

And the sun shines brightly on everything around

Entitlement becomes our undignified response

We claim to deserve this, with pride and pomp

We tilled the dirt and laid the seed

But we did not create the things we need.