#2 - Beam of Light

I love outer space; all of its mystery and wonder. Whenever humanity peers out farther and farther, the universe gets bigger and bigger. I remember hearing about the Hubble Space Telescope taking a picture of the darkest part of the sky. The result from 2012's Hubble eXtreme Deep Field was 5000 new galaxies discovered. Not planets or stars... but galaxies. Outer space is also the place where our comprehension of physics and mathematics get completely wrecked. It's humbling.

  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hubble_eXtreme_Deep_Field

If I recall correctly, this poem was written over two sittings and one revision. When you're really interested in something and try to write about it, I find oftentimes that the words come naturally. This was one of those occasions. 

I woke up in the middle of the night

And transformed into a beam of light

I shot off into the vastness of space

A hundred eighty six thousand miles per second I raced

In a matter of seconds I flew past the moon

The earth transformed to a tiny speck of blue

I shot past the sun in a matter of minutes

Saw the fusion first hand and everything in it

I skipped past Jupiter, Saturn and Neptune

They soon disappeared like a pebble in a sand dune

It took years till I reached another star in the distance

But a new concept of time made it feel like an instant

I flew so fast I saw the constellations change

I avoided black holes, their event horizon’s range

I passed by magnificent gamma ray bursts

And other unknown phenomena of our universe

Nebulas, asteroids and comets were sparse

When considering the length of space at large

I eventually reached the galaxies center

It was a massive black hole, too dangerous to enter

I decided to travel to the galaxies opposite side

I found new stars hidden from earth’s eyes

Binary systems and tertiary ones too

Sprinkled the darkness through and through

I passed beyond the reach of the Milky Way

Into an emptiness where only darkness would stay

The nothingness tested my sanity's reach

But I found Andromeda before my mind found defeat

It was the nearest galaxy and it will eventually collide

With the Milky Way galaxy and all that’s inside

But for me it became a haven of light

Of a billion more stars and other wondrous sights

I continued to travel for I wanted to see

If there was life out there aside from you and me

I guess the complexities on earth are quite scary

For I saw nothing like it during my journey

I had no idea how far I would go

How long I would travel, I’ll never know

For years I seemingly traveled the endless black

Wondering if I would ever come back

I passed by stars greater than the sun

Gaining in speed after passing each one

The size of the universe I could not comprehend

The wondrous sights, they never seemed to end

Farther and farther I continued to explore

There was one truth that I could not ignore

I am but a speck of dust in the grandest abode

Blown into the sky by the wind unknown

#1 - Ghostly

I've written a lot of poems in my life, but have never shared too many of them. On occasion I've sent some to friends by request, and a few of my best ones are posted on this blog, but for the most part, my poems have been kept to myself.

Some of them are funny, others philosophical, and others very personal. Some were written in seconds, others took months. I thought for this year, I'd post a poem I've written on a weekly basis and include a little blurb about the poem.

I'll begin with the poem that I am most fearful of sharing, because... why not start with a bang? It's about my struggles with connecting with people. I often find myself unable to truly connect with people on a deep level. I am blessed with some great friends, and do enjoy the depth of those relationships, but I often find myself asking the safe questions, instead of the important ones that really strengthen a friendship. In essence, I choose not to connect on a deeper level out of fear which causes me to miss out on things. As our souls are meant to connect with others, I often feel that mine does not. My soul then, feels ghostly. 

Ghostly

You cannot see me

You cannot hear me

You cannot touch me

You cannot taste me

You cannot feel me

You cannot hold me

You cannot know me

You cannot love me

My existence, in this instance

Is only witnessed by eyes unseeing

My only hope for you to reach me

Is if I climb into your dreams

In this plain of life, this menagerie

Of souls alive but not living

I do not see you

I do not hear you

I do not touch you

I do not taste you

I do not feel you

I do not hold you

I do not know you

I do not love you… but I want to.

The other side of sorrow

           My cousin Erin passed away after a fight with cancer yesterday. When I was a little kid living in San Jose, my family would often make the trip to visit aunt Karen and Uncle Thor in Mountain View. They are two of the most fun-loving people on the planet. One of the highlights growing up was watching aunt Karen and my mom fight over the check for who would pay for dinner when we ate out. It was literally a battle of two very strong willed people who were very close. I don't remember who won those battles over the check more often, but it was always hilarious to watch. 

          Their kids Erin, Jason, and Nicole were about the same age as my brother and I. Erin and Jason were a little older and Nicole was my age and they always knew how to have fun. Whether we were playing hide and seek, or Super NES, it was a very innocent and joyful time. When I got a little older, my family moved down to Orange County so we didn't get to see them as often, but the memories of those times will always be warm and happy.

           About a year ago, I got to see Erin during a family get together and her joy was ever present, despite the battle with cancer. She really was a woman full of joy and that will be a lasting memory.

            Grief is always hard because of the inherent circumstances but the blessings that arise from times of mourning are numerous and important. Memories we have grow fonder in times of mourning. Treasured moments increase in value. The pain of loss is soothed by the warm memories made warmer by our time of reflection. Reality can bite pretty hard in these moments but I find people tend to love harder as a result.         

            Here is a poem I wrote a while ago about mourning. It was written in the eyes of a husband mourning the loss of his wife but it seems to work universally. Prayers go out to my aunt Karen and Uncle Thor, Jason, and Nicole as the mourn the loss of a loved one.

The other side of sorrow

On loving someone my very best… I will behest

A reprieve from her eternal rest

A lost love will forever bequeath… such bountiful grief

Its melancholy mood won’t ever be brief.

Of the grand feeling of love so sure… pain will endure

But that is proof it ever so pure

The sun will arise each bright new day… as memories decay

The pain of loss moves farther away.

But genuine love will often bestow… misery only love can know

From there a river of tears will flow

Of life so meaningful and hallowed… the one I followed

At her deaths end I weep and wallow.

But still, the other side of sorrow… is tomorrow

The White Rose

 
59 Years ago today, devout Christian Sophie Scholl of the White Rose was put on trial by the Nazi government and executed for distributing pamphlets that called for an end to Hitlers regime. Nazi justice took a mere day for a show trial and execution, as justice itself was marred by a corrupt government. 
The White Rose was a German resistance group that formed to speak out against Nazi Germany. They created six pamphlets that they discreetly passed out to people calling for an end to Hitler's regime. It's primary contributors were caught and executed with their executions occurring on the same day as their trials.

Their call for freedom did not go unheard as their final pamphlet reached allied forces who decided to make mass copies of the work and dropped them over Berlin from war planes. Although the White Rose did not have a decisive impact on the war, it's members showed the importance of moral duty in standing up to injustice and evil. It also showed that an educated people can be privy to an oppressive government even as they themselves are being oppressed. So here's a poem I wrote last year as tribute to the White Rose who resisted oppression in the heart of mankind's darkest and lowest point, the Nazi regime, who not only oppressed (and killed) 12 million in cold blood, but stripped an entire nation of its freedom, freedom from thought and freedom from expression.

The White Rose

Of heroism the world should know

Of freedoms light and how it can glow

Of resistance in the face of foes

Standing brave, is the White Rose

To think for them what sedition brings

Freedom took them to the guillotine

Their bloodless battle can’t go unseen

For all should know what the White Rose means

Huber, Graf, and Wittenstein,

In darkness they made freedom shine

Probst with Hans and Sophie Scholl

Made Germany ponder liberty's role

Amidst the backdrop of tyranny

Where the world would face adversity

They printed papers of freedom’s plea

To wake the conscience of Germany

In secret they would take freedom’s fight

With no worry of their individual plight

In death their faith was their delight

Liberty eternally in their sight

To wellsprings in life where liberty flows

Where the thinker can think before he knows

Of rights and wrongs as goodness glows

Honor is the place of the White Rose

Mix tape

After doing my favorite albums, someone asked what songs I would put on an ultimate mixtape, so here goes. I decided the ultimate mix tape would have to be 12 songs because that's my favorite number. I chopped down a list of 25 songs to 12 which was difficult but I didn't want to make this post so long that no one would read it. A few songs that missed the cut "Brightly Wound" by Eisley, "When Mac was Swimming" by The Innocence Mission, "Maps" by The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, "Daughter" by Pearl Jam, and "In the Arms of the Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan

1. "I Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot
This is Switchfoot's best song, it was so good they released it on two of their albums with very minimal differences. On The Beautiful Letdown its called "Dare you to Move" but I like the original stylings on Learning to breathe where the song is called "I Dare you to Move." What makes this song so great is that it presents the concepts of the Gospel in a non-preachy way. The opening stanza is about God's creation "Welcome to the planet, welcome to existence," the second stanza is about sin, "welcome to the fall out... between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be," the bridge is about God's response to our sin, "redemption with stories to tell, forgiveness is right where you fell... salvation is here," and the chorus is our response, "I dare you to move, I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor." Switchfoot is great at explaining and introducing Christian concepts to a secular audience.
Favorite Lyric- "maybe forgiveness is right where you fell"

2."World Apart" by Jars of Clay
In my opinion, this is a perfect song. Great build, perfect lyrics, it all blends into a very powerful and emotional song. The song is a prayer of brokenness at the foot of the cross. The singer wants God to have all of him, to take his world apart but giving everything up is by no means easy. Not easy for the person, and not easy for God either. The song dwells on both sides of the coin from the singers perspective as he stands at the foot of the cross and asks God to take his life (not kill him though) and the singer knows that this can only happen because of Jesus and his death on the cross. When the song crescendos near the finish I am almost always moved to tears because of the desperation in the singers voice and the brokenness that he is praying for.
Favorite Lyric- "serve the ones that I despise, speak the words I can't deny, watch the world I used to know, fall to dust and blow away, I look beyond the empty cross, forgetting what my life has cost."

3. "How he loves" by David Crowder Band
This is another song that can easily move me to tears, usually at the part where Crowder belts out, "oh he loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves" after the second verse. He just lets go of everything and sings it like its the only thing that matters, because, really, it is the only thing that matters. The other parts of the song are great too, as Crowder is describing how great God's love is by comparing it to a hurricane, or an ocean, or the surprise of an unforeseen kiss. This is a great worship song, it magnifies the Lord's vast love for us.
Favorite Lyric- "Yeah he loves us, oh how he loves us"

4. "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" by Stuart Townend
       I've actually never heard this song performed by its author, but I have heard it many times by the old Campus Crusade for Christ worship band at UCDavis that was led by Scott Blackhart circa 2003. Scott has the pipes that few singers have and he is great at building things up from soft to intense when he performs. The song is a response to God's sacrifice and the recognition that we are sinners, yet God's love for us is immense, it goes beyond our sin. This song opened my eyes to the fact that Jesus had the power and justification to not go through with the crucifixion and could have called for angels to rescue him at any moment, but he went through with it because of His love.
Favorite Lyric- "Behold the man upon the cross, my sin upon his shoulders, ashamed I hear my mocking voice, call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that held him there, until it was accomplished."

5. "In love" by Jon Foreman
This is off the Winter EP by Switchfoot lead singer Jon Foreman. His solo stuff is poetry in motion. With Switchfoot, I always thought their slower songs were deeper and more thought provoking then the more rocking songs, so when Jon released four solo albums that were basically acoustic, I had a feeling these songs would connect with me. It took me awhile to actually track down these albums but when I did, they were in heavy rotation for quite some time. The song "In Love" doesn't stand out at first, it features a mandolin playing in the background and has a more eastern (Asia not New York) feel to it. What sets this song apart is how the lyrics slowly start to reach out to you. In between every line, Jon says, "In love" or "my love." When reading the lyrics, you can see that the words "in love" threads through everything. Think about that for a moment, everything God does is with love at the forefront, so love threads through everything He does. This song captures that idea. I secretly hope that one day I will be taking communion and the church I'm at will play this song during it because it mentions "this cup... this bread." It would be a great song to reflect on during communion.
Favorite Lyric- "Come drink, my love, my blood, my love, my life, my love, in death, my love"

6. "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead
      There are a lot of great Radiohead songs, dozens actually. Over the past year or so I've listened to Radiohead pretty heavily and I enjoy how they take risks with their sound. Their music is almost prophetic in that they have been singing about their dissatisfaction with our disconnected society at the hands of technology since The Bends. The album Ok Computer probably touched on this predicted disconnect and the dissatisfaction therein the most, but the song Fake Plastic Trees from their preceding album The Bends does it the best. It's a song about pursuing things that are fake or shallow, and how that will eventually drive us to misery.
Favorite Lyric- "she lives with a broken man, a cracked polystyrene man, who just crumbles and burns, he used to do surgery, for girls in the eighties, but gravity always wins."

7. "Hallelujah" performed by Jeff Buckley 
Written originally by Leonard Cohen but covered perfectly by Jeff Buckley. This singer had a perfect voice. One of the best in modern music. This song has been covered by a few other artists, but Jeff Buckley's remains the best. The song itself is about David of the Bible after he sinned against God by sleeping with another mans wife named Bathsheba. David sings Hallelujah as a broken man.
Favorite Lyric- "I've seen your flag on the marble arch, love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken hallelujah."

8. "Masters of War" by Bob Dylan
I love Bob Dylan. He is the most prolific American songwriter of all time and I haven't even heard half of his classics. No one can write a song and play around with the words like Bob Dylan can. His early stuff like "Blowin in the Wind" and "The times they are a changin" are classic civil rights songs that captured the spirit of the 60s. "Masters of War" may be Dylan at his meanest. He sings against people who profit from war, and does it with justified vitriol. He rails at how rich men send young men to die in a war while they sit comfortably behind their desks. At the songs end he even hopes that the masters of war would die and he would follow their caskets until they were buried so he would be sure that they were dead. Yikes.
 Favorite Lyric- "Let me ask you one question, is your money that good, can it buy you forgiveness, do you think that it could, I think you will find, when your death takes its toll, all the money you made will never by back your soul."

9. "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine
Rage Against the Machine is a political band that supports the Zapatista movement in Mexico. Now I'm not too familiar with this organization except for that they desire a revolution in Mexico and have actually declared war on Mexico (although they aren't actually at war and aren't literally fighting). Because of their desire for political upheaval in Mexico and in the USA, Rage Against the Machine plays high energy music that has a lot of anger in it. Bulls on Parade is an awesome angry song. When you just need to let loose and blow off some steam this is a great song to play. Ironically, its an anti-war song to boot. The guitarist, Tom Morello plays a catchy riff to open the song and then near the end he makes his guitar sound like a turntable. I don't know how he does it, but it sounds awesome, I used to think the band had a DJ but it turns out, all the sounds are coming from his guitar.
Favorite Lyric- "Weapons, not food, not homes, not shoes, not need, just feed the war cannibal animal"

10. "Brenda's Got a Baby" by 2Pac
Another song that oftentimes brings me to tears. 2Pac tells the true story of a 12 year old girl who gets pregnant after getting molested. She thinks she's in love, but the man leaves and she's left to have the baby on her own. She gives birth without anyone knowing it because she had been hiding her pregnancy from everyone. She then throws the baby in the trash but as she walks away, she hears the baby crying so she takes the baby back and tries to raise it. Unfortunately, she has no support from her family so she sells drugs to make money, then becomes a prostitute and is eventually found slain. This song shines a light on the reality of our fallen world, it makes you face mankind at its worst. 2Pac wrote some of the most heart-wrenching songs about black women living in poverty, this one is the most powerful. The build musically is perfect, as things go from bad, to worse, to even worse, the music matches the intensity. This is pretty close to being a perfect song.
Favorite Lyric- "Now Brenda's belly's gettin bigger, and no one seems to notice any change in her figure, she's 12 years old and she's havin a baby, in love with a molester who's sexin her crazy."

11. "In the Morning of the Magicians" by The Flaming Lips
They say the best live show in music is The Flaming Lips. I have never seen them live but when I have seen them play on TV I can see why. They are very creative visually and there music has a fun yet introspective sound. This song questions "what is love and what is hate" and "why does it matter?" If I'm not mistaken, the song is coming from the perspective of evil robots as the album that this song is on is called Yoshimi battles the Pink Robots and apparently the robots became evil and Yoshimi (who has a black belt in karate) fights them to rescue mankind. The robots are justifying their evil nature by questioning love and hate itself. I might be wrong on all of this, cause I just started listening to it, but this song also contains one of the best bass lines in rock music.
Favorite Lyric- "What is love and what is hate? The calculations error."

12. "Holland 1945" by Neutral Milk Hotel
This song is a masterpiece on an album that is also a masterpiece. I recommend hearing the album as a whole but this song sums up the themes pretty well. The singer is in love with Anne Frank and is facing the reality of her demise. His different descriptions of death in the song have a childish innocence to them as does his grief.
Favorite Lyric- "And now we must pick of every piece, of the life we used to love, just to keep our selves at least enough to carry on"

Music: my favorite albums

 When it comes to music, I like to listen to songs over and over until I have a complete grasp of what a song or album is trying to say. Music can stir emotions, bring back old memories, and inspire us, not just with words, but with the mood that the music can set, and the passion in which it is performed. By no means am I an expert in music, but it is a hobby of mine. So here are my five favorite albums. No greatest hits allowed, just straight albums although one of my picks is a live album, its still not a greatest hits, and it is an album in its own right.

5. Kid A by Radiohead

Radiohead reminds me of the old TV show The Twilight Zone. Their music gives me the chills, but not in a conventional way. From The Bends, to Ok Computer, to Kid A in succession is quite an accomplishment, not just because all three albums are magnificent in their own right but because each album has such a unique sound. Kid A is my favorite though because the music takes me on a fantastic journey. I'm usually more of a lyrics person and I like to analyze the meaning of the lyrics but with this album its more about enjoying the eclectic sound. In fact, I don't even know the lyrics to most of the songs, but the music creates a great atmosphere that can set my imagination off.
Favorite Song- The National Anthem

4. MTV Unplugged in New York by Nirvana

I enjoy the more subdued sound from Nirvana. It allows for Kurt's wails to be more pronounced along with some great instrumental arrangements. His voice is raspy and scratchy but he has good control over it. They do a great job playing live here as well. I think the slow pace of doing acoustic songs really brought out their talent. Whenever they played their faster stuff at rock shows it didn't sound right to me. This album is pretty chill and soothing to the ears until the end of the final song "Where did you sleep last night" when Kurt belts out the last chorus. It's interesting how for an entire album you can be lulled into the laid back atmosphere and then at the very end the screams of two jilted lovers comes rushing forth and its a bit startling, yet extremely effective.
Favorite Song: Where Did You Sleep Last Night


3. A Collision or (3+4=7) by David Crowder Band

David Crowder Band is my favorite worship band for two reasons. First, Crowder writes great songs that really get you to contemplate the awesomeness of God and how far reaching His love is. Second, he experiments with his sound. He has some traditional sounding stuff on most of his albums, but sometimes he'll change it up and make it more progressive, or more techno and it works somehow. This specific album is an epic. It breaks down into four distinct parts. Part A seems to be straight worship. Part B delves into more contemplative ideas about ourselves, our condition, and God's response. Part C touches on Christ's transformation in us. Part D is the celebration of victory. All in all, this album is one that has to be listened all the way through from beginning to end to be fully appreciated and I haven't listened to it in quite some time and might have to give it a go again just to make sure I'm not just making stuff up here.
Favorite Song: You are my joy

2. Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot

Switchfoot is my favorite band. I've listened to all their albums countless times and enjoy almost all of their songs. Jon Foreman is a poet and the lyrics he writes have a depth that require some serious contemplation and self examination. Many times I have found myself listening to a song by them that I've heard hundreds of times and a line will come out and make me think about it like never before (earlier this morning I was listening to "Amy's Song" off of New Way to be Human and the line "Salvation is a fire in the midnight of the soul, it likes up like a can of gasoline" just stuck out like a sore thumb). The lyrics often invoke questions and initiate a Socratic dialogue with the listener like in the song "Innocence Again" he asks, "Who are you gonna be, when you're on your knees who do you believe?" What a great question that is! You'll see questions asked in a lot of their songs, not just on this album, but all of them. Now I could probably write a thousand page book about all of their songs and dissect the meaning of each of them (maybe I will someday because that sounds like a good time to me) but Learning to Breathe is tops in my book. "I dare you to move" paints a picture of salvation, "Economy of mercy" shows a world where God's love is the driving force of His people, and "Innocence Again" explains grace in its simplest form. These three songs along with "Learning to Breathe" are their best songs and that's why I like this Switchfoot album the most.
Favorite Song: I Dare you to Move

1. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel

 This band caught lightning in a bottle. That's the best way to describe this little known masterpiece. Neutral Milk Hotel only released two albums and their music is not typical to what is on the radio. They liked to use horns, and saws, and other weird instruments that I've never heard of. But this album is mesmerizing. At its core, it is a love letter to Anne Frank and it goes places I have never been to in regards to love and in balancing reality and fantasy. The concept of being in love with someone who died over 50 years ago is odd in and of itself, throw in the backdrop of the holocaust and trying to deal with the horrors of that dark moment in history makes for a daring concept album. The lead singer Jeff Mangum has an unusual innocence to him as he describes terrible atrocities with beautiful metaphors. He may be innocent but the horrors of the holocaust are not lost on him and he sings with immense passion.
           While beautiful, there is also a poetic mystery that can stretch the meaning of the album into two different directions. One possibility is that Mangum is in love with Anne and his grief has caused him to create a fantasy world where he idealizes who Anne could have been but reality is still reality so the horrors of the holocaust sneak into his songs lyrically.
          The second possibility is that Mangum finds himself in a conflict between the finite and the eternal. He doesn't want to dwell on the horrors of what happened to Anne in the holocaust but they are reality. However, those horrors were just a moment in time and he chooses to see Anne in an eternal sense, no longer suffering, and in heaven. In eternity, he can love her, hold her, kiss her, and be with her and that is the only place where his love can truly manifest itself. This concept of eternal love is so important. The love that Mangum is seeking is the type of love that God has for us. Its a love that acknowledges the horror in this finite world but more importantly transcends it.
           Whether the album is about the duality of the eternal and the finite, or about the duality of fantasy and reality, the duality is the key part of the album. This duality allows Mangum to switch between singing about beautiful things and terrible things in the same song and show us that love is still a part of both worlds. Regardless of the mystery in the lyrics, this album is tops for me. Check it out if you ever get the chance and give it a few listens.

Favorite song: Holland 1945

Sometimes God reveals things...

Sometimes God reveals things and it amazes me to no end, like that He knows everything
Sometimes God reveals things and it is pure joy, like that He loves me enough to die
Sometimes God reveals things and it angers me and burns at my soul, like that children are lost and dying
Sometimes God reveals things that confuse me still, like that He is three in one
Sometimes God reveals things and it hurts to know its true, like my own shortcomings
Sometimes God reveals things and there is nothing I can do...
Sometimes God reveals things and there is much that must be done...
Sometimes God reveals things and it leaves me full of hope, like when lost souls are found
Sometimes God reveals things that I always thought was a lie, like that I am worthy in His eyes