#96: The Breaking Point

If you embrace God's grace, you do not need to fear judgment. I tell myself this all the time, but I have trouble believing it. 

I recently found myself depressed but was struggling with understanding why. For all intents and purposes, I am very content with things. I have an amazing girlfriend, a steady job that I enjoy, great friends, an awesome family. I struggled through it with my girlfriend and she prayed this for me, "that if this depression is from the devil, that it be cast out, and if this depression is from God, that it's purpose be understood." 

She then let me borrow a book by Henri Nouwen called The Inner Voice of Love. In it, there was this line, "Your many human needs for affection, attention, and consolation are living apart from your divine sacred space. your call is to let these two parts of yourself come together again."

That line was an epiphany for me. That is where God was speaking to me, reminding me not to let the blessings of God take the place in my soul that is fulfilled by God Himself. 

You look in my eyes

And my eyes dart away

I’m afraid you’ll see inside

Afraid you’ll see my pain

So I hide, or I run away

Looking for an escape

I want to be on my own

But I can’t live my life alone

As the tears fall on my face

Please let the rain wash them away

Then you won’t see my heart ache

Everything will seem okay

But you are the knight that can pierce the dark

And fill this hole inside my heart

And you are the radiant prince

The chosen one who’ll cleanse my sins

So please set me free

Please sanctify me

Please win this war

For my soul needs you more and more