The other side of sorrow

           My cousin Erin passed away after a fight with cancer yesterday. When I was a little kid living in San Jose, my family would often make the trip to visit aunt Karen and Uncle Thor in Mountain View. They are two of the most fun-loving people on the planet. One of the highlights growing up was watching aunt Karen and my mom fight over the check for who would pay for dinner when we ate out. It was literally a battle of two very strong willed people who were very close. I don't remember who won those battles over the check more often, but it was always hilarious to watch. 

          Their kids Erin, Jason, and Nicole were about the same age as my brother and I. Erin and Jason were a little older and Nicole was my age and they always knew how to have fun. Whether we were playing hide and seek, or Super NES, it was a very innocent and joyful time. When I got a little older, my family moved down to Orange County so we didn't get to see them as often, but the memories of those times will always be warm and happy.

           About a year ago, I got to see Erin during a family get together and her joy was ever present, despite the battle with cancer. She really was a woman full of joy and that will be a lasting memory.

            Grief is always hard because of the inherent circumstances but the blessings that arise from times of mourning are numerous and important. Memories we have grow fonder in times of mourning. Treasured moments increase in value. The pain of loss is soothed by the warm memories made warmer by our time of reflection. Reality can bite pretty hard in these moments but I find people tend to love harder as a result.         

            Here is a poem I wrote a while ago about mourning. It was written in the eyes of a husband mourning the loss of his wife but it seems to work universally. Prayers go out to my aunt Karen and Uncle Thor, Jason, and Nicole as the mourn the loss of a loved one.

The other side of sorrow

On loving someone my very best… I will behest

A reprieve from her eternal rest

A lost love will forever bequeath… such bountiful grief

Its melancholy mood won’t ever be brief.

Of the grand feeling of love so sure… pain will endure

But that is proof it ever so pure

The sun will arise each bright new day… as memories decay

The pain of loss moves farther away.

But genuine love will often bestow… misery only love can know

From there a river of tears will flow

Of life so meaningful and hallowed… the one I followed

At her deaths end I weep and wallow.

But still, the other side of sorrow… is tomorrow

The White Rose

 
59 Years ago today, devout Christian Sophie Scholl of the White Rose was put on trial by the Nazi government and executed for distributing pamphlets that called for an end to Hitlers regime. Nazi justice took a mere day for a show trial and execution, as justice itself was marred by a corrupt government. 
The White Rose was a German resistance group that formed to speak out against Nazi Germany. They created six pamphlets that they discreetly passed out to people calling for an end to Hitler's regime. It's primary contributors were caught and executed with their executions occurring on the same day as their trials.

Their call for freedom did not go unheard as their final pamphlet reached allied forces who decided to make mass copies of the work and dropped them over Berlin from war planes. Although the White Rose did not have a decisive impact on the war, it's members showed the importance of moral duty in standing up to injustice and evil. It also showed that an educated people can be privy to an oppressive government even as they themselves are being oppressed. So here's a poem I wrote last year as tribute to the White Rose who resisted oppression in the heart of mankind's darkest and lowest point, the Nazi regime, who not only oppressed (and killed) 12 million in cold blood, but stripped an entire nation of its freedom, freedom from thought and freedom from expression.

The White Rose

Of heroism the world should know

Of freedoms light and how it can glow

Of resistance in the face of foes

Standing brave, is the White Rose

To think for them what sedition brings

Freedom took them to the guillotine

Their bloodless battle can’t go unseen

For all should know what the White Rose means

Huber, Graf, and Wittenstein,

In darkness they made freedom shine

Probst with Hans and Sophie Scholl

Made Germany ponder liberty's role

Amidst the backdrop of tyranny

Where the world would face adversity

They printed papers of freedom’s plea

To wake the conscience of Germany

In secret they would take freedom’s fight

With no worry of their individual plight

In death their faith was their delight

Liberty eternally in their sight

To wellsprings in life where liberty flows

Where the thinker can think before he knows

Of rights and wrongs as goodness glows

Honor is the place of the White Rose

Mix tape

After doing my favorite albums, someone asked what songs I would put on an ultimate mixtape, so here goes. I decided the ultimate mix tape would have to be 12 songs because that's my favorite number. I chopped down a list of 25 songs to 12 which was difficult but I didn't want to make this post so long that no one would read it. A few songs that missed the cut "Brightly Wound" by Eisley, "When Mac was Swimming" by The Innocence Mission, "Maps" by The Yeah Yeah Yeah's, "Daughter" by Pearl Jam, and "In the Arms of the Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan

1. "I Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot
This is Switchfoot's best song, it was so good they released it on two of their albums with very minimal differences. On The Beautiful Letdown its called "Dare you to Move" but I like the original stylings on Learning to breathe where the song is called "I Dare you to Move." What makes this song so great is that it presents the concepts of the Gospel in a non-preachy way. The opening stanza is about God's creation "Welcome to the planet, welcome to existence," the second stanza is about sin, "welcome to the fall out... between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be," the bridge is about God's response to our sin, "redemption with stories to tell, forgiveness is right where you fell... salvation is here," and the chorus is our response, "I dare you to move, I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor." Switchfoot is great at explaining and introducing Christian concepts to a secular audience.
Favorite Lyric- "maybe forgiveness is right where you fell"

2."World Apart" by Jars of Clay
In my opinion, this is a perfect song. Great build, perfect lyrics, it all blends into a very powerful and emotional song. The song is a prayer of brokenness at the foot of the cross. The singer wants God to have all of him, to take his world apart but giving everything up is by no means easy. Not easy for the person, and not easy for God either. The song dwells on both sides of the coin from the singers perspective as he stands at the foot of the cross and asks God to take his life (not kill him though) and the singer knows that this can only happen because of Jesus and his death on the cross. When the song crescendos near the finish I am almost always moved to tears because of the desperation in the singers voice and the brokenness that he is praying for.
Favorite Lyric- "serve the ones that I despise, speak the words I can't deny, watch the world I used to know, fall to dust and blow away, I look beyond the empty cross, forgetting what my life has cost."

3. "How he loves" by David Crowder Band
This is another song that can easily move me to tears, usually at the part where Crowder belts out, "oh he loves us, oh how he loves us, oh how he loves" after the second verse. He just lets go of everything and sings it like its the only thing that matters, because, really, it is the only thing that matters. The other parts of the song are great too, as Crowder is describing how great God's love is by comparing it to a hurricane, or an ocean, or the surprise of an unforeseen kiss. This is a great worship song, it magnifies the Lord's vast love for us.
Favorite Lyric- "Yeah he loves us, oh how he loves us"

4. "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" by Stuart Townend
       I've actually never heard this song performed by its author, but I have heard it many times by the old Campus Crusade for Christ worship band at UCDavis that was led by Scott Blackhart circa 2003. Scott has the pipes that few singers have and he is great at building things up from soft to intense when he performs. The song is a response to God's sacrifice and the recognition that we are sinners, yet God's love for us is immense, it goes beyond our sin. This song opened my eyes to the fact that Jesus had the power and justification to not go through with the crucifixion and could have called for angels to rescue him at any moment, but he went through with it because of His love.
Favorite Lyric- "Behold the man upon the cross, my sin upon his shoulders, ashamed I hear my mocking voice, call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that held him there, until it was accomplished."

5. "In love" by Jon Foreman
This is off the Winter EP by Switchfoot lead singer Jon Foreman. His solo stuff is poetry in motion. With Switchfoot, I always thought their slower songs were deeper and more thought provoking then the more rocking songs, so when Jon released four solo albums that were basically acoustic, I had a feeling these songs would connect with me. It took me awhile to actually track down these albums but when I did, they were in heavy rotation for quite some time. The song "In Love" doesn't stand out at first, it features a mandolin playing in the background and has a more eastern (Asia not New York) feel to it. What sets this song apart is how the lyrics slowly start to reach out to you. In between every line, Jon says, "In love" or "my love." When reading the lyrics, you can see that the words "in love" threads through everything. Think about that for a moment, everything God does is with love at the forefront, so love threads through everything He does. This song captures that idea. I secretly hope that one day I will be taking communion and the church I'm at will play this song during it because it mentions "this cup... this bread." It would be a great song to reflect on during communion.
Favorite Lyric- "Come drink, my love, my blood, my love, my life, my love, in death, my love"

6. "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead
      There are a lot of great Radiohead songs, dozens actually. Over the past year or so I've listened to Radiohead pretty heavily and I enjoy how they take risks with their sound. Their music is almost prophetic in that they have been singing about their dissatisfaction with our disconnected society at the hands of technology since The Bends. The album Ok Computer probably touched on this predicted disconnect and the dissatisfaction therein the most, but the song Fake Plastic Trees from their preceding album The Bends does it the best. It's a song about pursuing things that are fake or shallow, and how that will eventually drive us to misery.
Favorite Lyric- "she lives with a broken man, a cracked polystyrene man, who just crumbles and burns, he used to do surgery, for girls in the eighties, but gravity always wins."

7. "Hallelujah" performed by Jeff Buckley 
Written originally by Leonard Cohen but covered perfectly by Jeff Buckley. This singer had a perfect voice. One of the best in modern music. This song has been covered by a few other artists, but Jeff Buckley's remains the best. The song itself is about David of the Bible after he sinned against God by sleeping with another mans wife named Bathsheba. David sings Hallelujah as a broken man.
Favorite Lyric- "I've seen your flag on the marble arch, love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken hallelujah."

8. "Masters of War" by Bob Dylan
I love Bob Dylan. He is the most prolific American songwriter of all time and I haven't even heard half of his classics. No one can write a song and play around with the words like Bob Dylan can. His early stuff like "Blowin in the Wind" and "The times they are a changin" are classic civil rights songs that captured the spirit of the 60s. "Masters of War" may be Dylan at his meanest. He sings against people who profit from war, and does it with justified vitriol. He rails at how rich men send young men to die in a war while they sit comfortably behind their desks. At the songs end he even hopes that the masters of war would die and he would follow their caskets until they were buried so he would be sure that they were dead. Yikes.
 Favorite Lyric- "Let me ask you one question, is your money that good, can it buy you forgiveness, do you think that it could, I think you will find, when your death takes its toll, all the money you made will never by back your soul."

9. "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against the Machine
Rage Against the Machine is a political band that supports the Zapatista movement in Mexico. Now I'm not too familiar with this organization except for that they desire a revolution in Mexico and have actually declared war on Mexico (although they aren't actually at war and aren't literally fighting). Because of their desire for political upheaval in Mexico and in the USA, Rage Against the Machine plays high energy music that has a lot of anger in it. Bulls on Parade is an awesome angry song. When you just need to let loose and blow off some steam this is a great song to play. Ironically, its an anti-war song to boot. The guitarist, Tom Morello plays a catchy riff to open the song and then near the end he makes his guitar sound like a turntable. I don't know how he does it, but it sounds awesome, I used to think the band had a DJ but it turns out, all the sounds are coming from his guitar.
Favorite Lyric- "Weapons, not food, not homes, not shoes, not need, just feed the war cannibal animal"

10. "Brenda's Got a Baby" by 2Pac
Another song that oftentimes brings me to tears. 2Pac tells the true story of a 12 year old girl who gets pregnant after getting molested. She thinks she's in love, but the man leaves and she's left to have the baby on her own. She gives birth without anyone knowing it because she had been hiding her pregnancy from everyone. She then throws the baby in the trash but as she walks away, she hears the baby crying so she takes the baby back and tries to raise it. Unfortunately, she has no support from her family so she sells drugs to make money, then becomes a prostitute and is eventually found slain. This song shines a light on the reality of our fallen world, it makes you face mankind at its worst. 2Pac wrote some of the most heart-wrenching songs about black women living in poverty, this one is the most powerful. The build musically is perfect, as things go from bad, to worse, to even worse, the music matches the intensity. This is pretty close to being a perfect song.
Favorite Lyric- "Now Brenda's belly's gettin bigger, and no one seems to notice any change in her figure, she's 12 years old and she's havin a baby, in love with a molester who's sexin her crazy."

11. "In the Morning of the Magicians" by The Flaming Lips
They say the best live show in music is The Flaming Lips. I have never seen them live but when I have seen them play on TV I can see why. They are very creative visually and there music has a fun yet introspective sound. This song questions "what is love and what is hate" and "why does it matter?" If I'm not mistaken, the song is coming from the perspective of evil robots as the album that this song is on is called Yoshimi battles the Pink Robots and apparently the robots became evil and Yoshimi (who has a black belt in karate) fights them to rescue mankind. The robots are justifying their evil nature by questioning love and hate itself. I might be wrong on all of this, cause I just started listening to it, but this song also contains one of the best bass lines in rock music.
Favorite Lyric- "What is love and what is hate? The calculations error."

12. "Holland 1945" by Neutral Milk Hotel
This song is a masterpiece on an album that is also a masterpiece. I recommend hearing the album as a whole but this song sums up the themes pretty well. The singer is in love with Anne Frank and is facing the reality of her demise. His different descriptions of death in the song have a childish innocence to them as does his grief.
Favorite Lyric- "And now we must pick of every piece, of the life we used to love, just to keep our selves at least enough to carry on"

Music: my favorite albums

 When it comes to music, I like to listen to songs over and over until I have a complete grasp of what a song or album is trying to say. Music can stir emotions, bring back old memories, and inspire us, not just with words, but with the mood that the music can set, and the passion in which it is performed. By no means am I an expert in music, but it is a hobby of mine. So here are my five favorite albums. No greatest hits allowed, just straight albums although one of my picks is a live album, its still not a greatest hits, and it is an album in its own right.

5. Kid A by Radiohead

Radiohead reminds me of the old TV show The Twilight Zone. Their music gives me the chills, but not in a conventional way. From The Bends, to Ok Computer, to Kid A in succession is quite an accomplishment, not just because all three albums are magnificent in their own right but because each album has such a unique sound. Kid A is my favorite though because the music takes me on a fantastic journey. I'm usually more of a lyrics person and I like to analyze the meaning of the lyrics but with this album its more about enjoying the eclectic sound. In fact, I don't even know the lyrics to most of the songs, but the music creates a great atmosphere that can set my imagination off.
Favorite Song- The National Anthem

4. MTV Unplugged in New York by Nirvana

I enjoy the more subdued sound from Nirvana. It allows for Kurt's wails to be more pronounced along with some great instrumental arrangements. His voice is raspy and scratchy but he has good control over it. They do a great job playing live here as well. I think the slow pace of doing acoustic songs really brought out their talent. Whenever they played their faster stuff at rock shows it didn't sound right to me. This album is pretty chill and soothing to the ears until the end of the final song "Where did you sleep last night" when Kurt belts out the last chorus. It's interesting how for an entire album you can be lulled into the laid back atmosphere and then at the very end the screams of two jilted lovers comes rushing forth and its a bit startling, yet extremely effective.
Favorite Song: Where Did You Sleep Last Night


3. A Collision or (3+4=7) by David Crowder Band

David Crowder Band is my favorite worship band for two reasons. First, Crowder writes great songs that really get you to contemplate the awesomeness of God and how far reaching His love is. Second, he experiments with his sound. He has some traditional sounding stuff on most of his albums, but sometimes he'll change it up and make it more progressive, or more techno and it works somehow. This specific album is an epic. It breaks down into four distinct parts. Part A seems to be straight worship. Part B delves into more contemplative ideas about ourselves, our condition, and God's response. Part C touches on Christ's transformation in us. Part D is the celebration of victory. All in all, this album is one that has to be listened all the way through from beginning to end to be fully appreciated and I haven't listened to it in quite some time and might have to give it a go again just to make sure I'm not just making stuff up here.
Favorite Song: You are my joy

2. Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot

Switchfoot is my favorite band. I've listened to all their albums countless times and enjoy almost all of their songs. Jon Foreman is a poet and the lyrics he writes have a depth that require some serious contemplation and self examination. Many times I have found myself listening to a song by them that I've heard hundreds of times and a line will come out and make me think about it like never before (earlier this morning I was listening to "Amy's Song" off of New Way to be Human and the line "Salvation is a fire in the midnight of the soul, it likes up like a can of gasoline" just stuck out like a sore thumb). The lyrics often invoke questions and initiate a Socratic dialogue with the listener like in the song "Innocence Again" he asks, "Who are you gonna be, when you're on your knees who do you believe?" What a great question that is! You'll see questions asked in a lot of their songs, not just on this album, but all of them. Now I could probably write a thousand page book about all of their songs and dissect the meaning of each of them (maybe I will someday because that sounds like a good time to me) but Learning to Breathe is tops in my book. "I dare you to move" paints a picture of salvation, "Economy of mercy" shows a world where God's love is the driving force of His people, and "Innocence Again" explains grace in its simplest form. These three songs along with "Learning to Breathe" are their best songs and that's why I like this Switchfoot album the most.
Favorite Song: I Dare you to Move

1. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel

 This band caught lightning in a bottle. That's the best way to describe this little known masterpiece. Neutral Milk Hotel only released two albums and their music is not typical to what is on the radio. They liked to use horns, and saws, and other weird instruments that I've never heard of. But this album is mesmerizing. At its core, it is a love letter to Anne Frank and it goes places I have never been to in regards to love and in balancing reality and fantasy. The concept of being in love with someone who died over 50 years ago is odd in and of itself, throw in the backdrop of the holocaust and trying to deal with the horrors of that dark moment in history makes for a daring concept album. The lead singer Jeff Mangum has an unusual innocence to him as he describes terrible atrocities with beautiful metaphors. He may be innocent but the horrors of the holocaust are not lost on him and he sings with immense passion.
           While beautiful, there is also a poetic mystery that can stretch the meaning of the album into two different directions. One possibility is that Mangum is in love with Anne and his grief has caused him to create a fantasy world where he idealizes who Anne could have been but reality is still reality so the horrors of the holocaust sneak into his songs lyrically.
          The second possibility is that Mangum finds himself in a conflict between the finite and the eternal. He doesn't want to dwell on the horrors of what happened to Anne in the holocaust but they are reality. However, those horrors were just a moment in time and he chooses to see Anne in an eternal sense, no longer suffering, and in heaven. In eternity, he can love her, hold her, kiss her, and be with her and that is the only place where his love can truly manifest itself. This concept of eternal love is so important. The love that Mangum is seeking is the type of love that God has for us. Its a love that acknowledges the horror in this finite world but more importantly transcends it.
           Whether the album is about the duality of the eternal and the finite, or about the duality of fantasy and reality, the duality is the key part of the album. This duality allows Mangum to switch between singing about beautiful things and terrible things in the same song and show us that love is still a part of both worlds. Regardless of the mystery in the lyrics, this album is tops for me. Check it out if you ever get the chance and give it a few listens.

Favorite song: Holland 1945

Sometimes God reveals things...

Sometimes God reveals things and it amazes me to no end, like that He knows everything
Sometimes God reveals things and it is pure joy, like that He loves me enough to die
Sometimes God reveals things and it angers me and burns at my soul, like that children are lost and dying
Sometimes God reveals things that confuse me still, like that He is three in one
Sometimes God reveals things and it hurts to know its true, like my own shortcomings
Sometimes God reveals things and there is nothing I can do...
Sometimes God reveals things and there is much that must be done...
Sometimes God reveals things and it leaves me full of hope, like when lost souls are found
Sometimes God reveals things that I always thought was a lie, like that I am worthy in His eyes

Adventures with Caleb (what the little one taught me)

Caleb Aaron Aalseth, the little four year old who knows big words like "esophagus" and "onomatopoeia", loves the movie "Cars" (which I secretly have never seen), and knows the words to "life is a highway", theme song to the movie "Cars" and sings it every night while playing air guitar was down in socal with his baby sister Hannah and mother Laura. Needless to say, it was a blast getting to see them intermittently over the past couple of days. What made it even greater were the lessons taught, not by me, but by the life of a little four year old.

Lesson 1: Small adventures are big time fun!

I got to go on two little adventures with Caleb, one was in the backyard of my parents house, the other was at Laguna Beach. Now behind my parents backyard is this steep hill that spans maybe 25 yards and beyond that is a fun little trail that sprawls across the neighborhood. Caleb was playing in the yard and helping my dad with gardening when I asked him if he wanted to see whats at the top of the hill. Showing his childlike adventure, he naturally said "no" and proceeded to water things in the yard that didn't need watering, like my pants. It took a few more asks as I attempted to peak his curiosity by wondering out loud about what could possibly be up there. After half an hour of my incessant suggesting, Caleb finally relented and to my surprise, was all of the sudden very excited about climbing the hill, which brings me to lesson number 2

Lesson 2: for kids, something could be boring one moment and super exciting the next.

With some assistance from me and my friend Tim, Caleb made it to the top and saw the vast expanse of our neighborhood, along with!!!! a gutter, a really big gutter that we walked through. We trudged up and down some really steep hills, when too steep, Caleb would grab my hand so he wouldn't fall, never once thinking that I myself could tumble at any moment. Caleb ran down the hill with complete confidence that if he fell, my hand would squeeze tighter and pull him up before the crash. This made keeping up with him difficult because I still needed to keep up with Caleb's fast little feet.

Lesson 3: child-like faith is best exemplified in children

We then continued to pass by different backyards, most of which contained vicious guard dogs (the funniest being one house with two little maltese puppies that were the antithesis of vicious, try as they might). Caleb, was pretty fearless as he trudged forward, wondering what was over the next little hill. Aside from seeing dogs, we also spotted a hawk, we heard a rabbit in the bushes, and saw some animal poop as well. We eventually turned back and I asked Caleb to lead us back home. Confident as ever Caleb said, "Okay, I have GPS on my back" and he took off running. On the steep hills, Caleb grabbed my hand just like before, on the flatter parts, he ran and ran and ran. He ran so much he ran right past our house.

Lesson 4: children have a horrible sense of direction.

It took a few minutes to convince Caleb that we actually passed the house but we eventually made it back home, washed up, and had a yummy dinner.

A couple days later, I visited the little ones at Laguna beach. It was a cloudy but warm day and the water was freezing cold. About 100 yards from our stuff was this rocky area that Caleb wanted to explore, but the tide was coming in. We didn't have much time, so we ran there as fast as we could. While running I would tell Caleb, "I'm gonna get you!" as he looked back and then would run even faster while laughing in fear. 

Lesson 5: Children show immense joy while the adrenaline is pumping from the fear of being chased by a loved one. It's the coolest thing to experience because they know they aren't in danger, but they run away like they are. (Don't chase around kids you don't know though, that will probably just scare them)

We came across the rocky area and we had to time things right to avoid the crashing waves. This lead to more excitement for Caleb and I as we frantically avoided the water while also trying to keep our balance on the wet rocks. In the rocky area we studied the area and found a seashell, two different types of sandals, and moss. After a few minutes of exploring the rocky area, Popo (grandma) came to get us because the waves were getting bigger and the tide was coming in. While on one of the rocks, Caleb was a little slow and the water came crawling up toward him and soaked his feet. Caleb giggled, and trudged on.

Lesson 6: Kids get wet often, they trip and fall often, but they are usually okay.

 As we returned to our beach area we cleaned up and got ready to head our separate ways. Before we left though, Popo spotted a school of dolphins swimming near the shore of the beach. We ended our adventure relaxing and watching the dolphins swim along the shore line. Caleb then asked if I wanted a cookie and then proceeded to hand me one from a bag. He did this all weekend, he would get me candy, fruit, cookies, I never asked for them, he just gave them to me. I don't know where he found them.

Lesson 7: Kids are smarter than we think.

Foo Fighters and forgiveness

There is a famous saying that when it comes to modern music, Elvis opened up our bodies, the Beatles opened up our hearts, and Bob Dylan opened up our minds. As a kid born in the 80s who grew up listening to 90s music I always liked to add that Nirvana opened up our pain. Now Nirvana isn't the first band to sing about pain, but they took rock music to a new place with their honesty and openness. They basically kicked open the door for rock bands to start singing about deeper things then girls and drugs (again, they weren't the first, they merely introduced this new type of honesty to the masses).

Nirvana knew how to cut right to the heart of the hurt. The last song recorded by Nirvana entitled "You know you're right" consists of lead singer Kurt Cobain sarcastically shouting, "things have never been so swell, I have never felt this well" and then screaming "paaaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnn" in a somehow melodic manner as a one word chorus. As I have looked into the life of Cobain, I learned that he was a man of great empathy for others who were hurting (ex: "Polly," "Heart Shaped Box") and a man with great personal pain both physical and mental. Kurt had suffered from a stomach problem that caused him constant physical pain that he tried to treat with heroin which quickly became an addiction. While not a model citizen, Kurt was a voice for generation X, also known as the forgotten generation, or the generation where people seemed jaded and disenchanted and teenagers spoke with sarcastic and oftentimes ironic undertones.

Sadly Kurt's life ended tragically young at the age of 27 (Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison died at the same age) to a self inflicted gun-shot wound to the head. His death shocked the music community and left a wife without a husband and a daughter without a father. We don't know what type of pain Kurt was feeling, or what drove him to the madness of suicide, but at that moment, the pain he expressed in his music became disturbingly real. People began to over analyze his music and read into his lyrics. Kurt was robbed of the ability to mature as an artist; his work would forever be trapped inside the man of a 27 year old while the rest of the world moved on. His death may have even helped solidify his legacy as a music icon because he vanished at the apex of his popularity.

Enter the Foo Fighters. The Foo Fighters are a post Nirvana band fronted by Nirvana's drummer Dave Grohl. It turns out, Dave Grohl is also uber-talented and he wrote some songs on his own. He made an album out of those songs and they were a hit. He then released a few more albums over the following years and the Foo Fighters became a consistently solid rock band. I don't follow the Foo Fighters closely but I am familiar with their hit songs like "Big Me," "Everlong," "Learning to fly," and "Times like these." Something that always seemed to bother Dave Grohl was how often people would ask him about Nirvana, and specifically Kurt. The loss of Kurt likely left a deep wound in Dave's heart and it made it difficult for him to express that pain. Now I am not familiar with the entire catalog of the Foo Fighters, but I am not aware of any songs penned by Dave Grohl that talks about Kurt's death. Until now.

I was talking with Kevin Lee who mentioned to me that a new Foo Fighters album came out so I looked it up online to read about it a bit. I came across this song that most people noted as a standout track. I haven't heard any of the other songs on the album, but this particular song is a great one. It's called "I should have known." and it is likely about Kurt's death. In the song, Dave sings "
I should have known that it would end this way.
I should have known there was no other way.
Didn't hear your warning.
Damn my heart gone deaf

Lay your hands in mine.
Heal me one last time.
Though I cannot forgive you yet.
No, i cannot forgive you yet.
You leave my heart in debt.

I should have known, i was inside of you.
I should have known, there was that side of you.
Came without a warning.
Caught me unaware.
I should have known, i've been here before.
I should have known, don't want it anymore.
One thing is for certain.
I'm still standing here.
I should have known.

This song is straight from the depths of his wounds. It makes for quite a courageous song on the part of the Foo Fighters and extremely personal for Dave. The beauty in this song is the lesson we can learn from it. Dave is singing his frustrations out to Kurt, mainly that he should have shared and confided with him of the pain he was feeling. To the best of my knowledge, Kurt didn't reach out to his band mates, or to his friends. He reached out with his music, but the music could not reach back to him. Dave proclaims that he cannot forgive him yet, and that may be because the pain is too great, or it may be because he is unable to because Kurt is gone. Maybe if they meet again then he could forgive Kurt, but without Kurt being present, Kurt cannot be forgiven by Dave and that leaves Dave with the emptiness of regret.

Regret is a terrible feeling, things happen in life that leave us in pain. Some of them knife deep into our hearts and leave us scarred and broken. Oftentimes it is a friend who has wronged us that causes a rift in the relationship. Relationships can be repaired, but only by forgiveness. My hope is that when we know things are broken, we take steps to repair those relationships. Otherwise we can end up feeling like Dave does here, wanting for things to be better, but powerless to even forgive because the person he wants to forgive is long gone. At the end of Ephesians Ch 4.God says "be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ has forgiven you." Are there people in your life that you need to be kinder to? Are there people in your life that need your forgiveness? Are there people in your life that you need to ask for for forgiveness?

Holistic Transformative Justice

I was reading an email from a pastor who works in Natomas and he casually mentioned his desire for his ministry to contain Holistic Transformative Justice. I've never heard this term before but it sounded intriguing. Justice itself is an integral function of a healthy society. A good justice system not only keeps order among a group of people, but establishes a balance within society that is based wholly on trust.

Under God we live under a judge who is perfect and His justice is perfect. When we are judged by God there is no need for deliberation, lawyers, jurors, or all the stuff we find in our courts. God sees everything and knows everything and wrote the book on what is right and wrong. His judgment happens at that exact moment he proclaims it. God's justice is one of complete fairness because nothing is hidden from Him. Thankfully, God's justice is built upon His immense love for us so the purpose of God's justice is rooted in love. You could even make a claim that God's justice is unfair because through grace we are not given the justice that we do deserve which is death. However, God is a perfect judge, so maybe there is wisdom in being unfair sometimes.

As flawed human beings in the modern age, we desire to create a justice system that maximizes the rights and freedoms of the people. However, the limitations of mankind always seems to provide some chinks to the different justice systems we have created. So what then is this idea of Holistic Transformative Justice? What is its primary purpose and why would a ministry desire to utilize it?

In my mind, the idea behind this type of ministry begins with acknowledging that there is a need for transformation to occur within a society where injustice is happening. It would be a ministry that not only attempts to bring social justice to the people, but to change the people for the better. I would guess that there is an aspect of healing that is involved with this form of justice along with finding root causes of problems within a society.

Anyways, I didn't think I would be comparing social justice to God's justice but I think its worth pondering about. When it comes to social justice and our role in justice here on earth, what has God called us to do? What is the line between the justice God will bring, and the justice that he calls for us to provide?

about me

I'm selectively hard of hearing. I have the vision of a bat.
I have a keen sense of direction, but I don't know where I'm at
I'm a wise man to the foolish, and foolish to the wise
I'm genuinely honest, when I'm wearing a disguise
My sense of smell is lacking, my nasal passage is unique
I have trouble out in public, because I'm too shy to speak.
I don't mind giving speeches, but spiders get me scared
I rearranged my bedroom, when I saw one coming near
I don't like rude behavior, insulting others should be a crime
I hate when I'm inconsiderate, and I hate reading poems that rhyme
My mind bends the English language, to make normal things absurd
That is why you might see me chuckle, when nothing funny has occurred
I like to joke around sometimes, I like when my heart sinks
I like to ask hard questions, I like to get people to think
I enjoy creating stories, contemplation is always a gas
on occasion I am selfish, oftentimes I'm crass